I have so many thoughts about the nature of emptiness and Self-Remembering it would not be able to write them all

My entire life I have known that it would not be possible to truly do anything without a consistent self, without being outside of the 10,000 moods and emotions

I realized today that just because many are not aware of this issue does not mean that this is not also their issue

Man says, “What should I do with my life” and stays in this consistently as a loop

On the results of this blue sky meditation,

There appear to be stages of it

The first is obvious, recognizing the spaces between, the emptiness, the constant

The first possible issue with recognizing emptiness I mentioned yesterday,

this is the issue of attempting to create or imagine an emptiness that is not there.

Recognizing emptiness is taught better by others than by my words,

But it is not creating an idea,

It is looking into empty space to find out what is there.

It is not looking into empty space expecting what you will find.

It is looking into empty space not expecting anything, having no prior conclusion found about what you will notice.

For years what is easiest for me to notice the Silence that comes before the Stillness that comes before the recognition of Emptiness is

I don’t remember what the easiest way for me was at first,

but once I became acquainted with it,

The easiest way became in contrast to sound, loud noise.

The louder the noise, the more easy it is for me to recognize the silence that comes after it and then fix the attention on that.

Then when it comes to getting a tiny bit of non-attachment from thoughts,

I repeat something like,

“There is no one thinking”

Or

“Who is causing these thoughts?”

The second inquiry is easier.

The first inquiry runs the risk of imagining a fictional “no self”.

I make the inquiry robot-like and mechanical and repeat it to recognize that this is a mechanical thing.

“Who is causing these thoughts?”

The effectiveness of the blue sky meditation appears to be a transition point,

A point between pointing the attention only to an imagined boundlessness, a serene sky,

And then transitioning to “there is no sky.”

Now I am at the point where I consciously recognize that I do not even want the bliss or other positive manifestations that may result in the practice.

I want the pure emptiness itself.

A note on the practice of gazing with an empty look,

it is extremely difficult.

Not only is it difficult to stop the eyes from noticing individual things,

but it is also difficult to confront the hidden fear that others may judge you.

but something starts to happen with this Self-Remembering, I can't quite articulate it yet,

but you start to comprehend that you are more interested in getting out of unconsciousness than in remaining in the dream.

The second stage of the practice is when you recognize that there is empty space and you are also aware of your false self in the dream

There may be a 2.5 stage somewhere before the 3rd stage where the false self disappears

On Relaxing The Gaze

There’s a first part where the focus is on the constant and not on the movement

Then I know the second part would be that they blend as one

Then this total clarity,

I feel that even the relaxing of the eyes actually creates clarity

And this clarity is so large that I can exist in it

Then, even before a real Self Rememberance, even before remembering Self,

I can inquiry who I am

And that inquiry today led me to someone like,

“Who would you have always wanted to be”

And after the events of today and me watching Fight Club I am a bit blown away,

To recognize that my worldly self became very much a Tyler Durden like character and that I have consciously blinded myself to that, most likely out of a non-self-acceptance

And when I look at myself and recognize my behaviors and attitude and patterns I see it

And I see that with Self-Remembering I might have the clarity to operate freely

It is like 99% of concentration energy and attention is unconscious and not recognize, but it is all spent on concerns about other people

Concerns about other people not agreeing with choices or behavior

So this question,

Who would I be if I were doing my own thing and there were no other voices or influences?

If I didn’t feel judged

If I wasn’t self judging

If I didn’t judge the “negative attributes” that I consciously ignore yet are still there

I’m still displaying them even if I’m not aware of it

So I am unconsciously wasting these attributes

But at least I have a teacher

“Our great war is a spiritual war.
Our great war is our lives.” - Tyler Durden

“On a long enough time scale, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.”

“You got to give it to Tyler.

He had a plan.

No fear.

No distractions.

The ability to let that which does not matter, truly slide.”

Imagine a life where you repress everything you truly think because it’s too extra.

Imagine a life where you hold back everything you truly believe because you fear inadequacy.